The Art of Marital Fighting

How to improve your relationship by fighting

In the Art of Marital Fighting, there are rules you need to follow.  As a couple, you both get to play and be referee at the same time.  Speaker becomes Player, and Listener becomes Referee - you take turns playing.  Each player is limited to a maximum of one minute.

The referee is responsible for calling fouls whenever a rule is broken.  The player then has the opportunity to correct his/her foul and try again.  The referee does not interfere (butt-in) except to point out rule infraction(s).  All the disputed fouls are written down and saved for the next counseling session.  Each session is limited to a maximum of ten minutes unless rule number eleven (11) is used.

Listed below are the eleven rules in this game.

  1. No Assumptions. This means no speaking for the other person.
  2. No Misinterpretations - Ask. This means you cannot play mind reader for the person speaking.
  3. No Name-Calling, Throwing, or Hitting. This means don't be a poor loser.
  4. Don't Change the Subject. Stick to the topic at hand.
  5. Do Not Bring Up the Past. This means you cannot be a Gravedigger or an Archeologist.
  6. No Generalizations - Be Specific. In this rule you cannot and must not use words like; you always..., you never...
  7. No Tears or Silence. This means that tears and silence cannot be used as tools of cop-outs.
  8. No Retreating or Quitting. This means you don't give in and accept the blame about something prior to talking about it.  Also, it means there is no running away from the situation, but facing it.
  9. Take Turns - Don't Butt-In. This just means keep your mouth closed and your mind open while the other one is speaking.
  10. Do Not Play at the Wrong Time or in the Wrong Place.
    • No-No Times
      • In the morning before work
      • One hour after work
      • One hour before dinner
      • One hour after dinner
      • One hour before bedtime
    • No-No Place
      • When relatives/kids are present
      • When you are with friends
      • In public
      • In bed
      • Anytime you are eating
  11. Do Not Be Afraid to Call a Truce or Postpone the Game. This one is mutually agreed upon.

Have a rule to suggest?  Testimonies always welcome :)

What are Blessings?

What are blessings?

Blessings are recited before and after eating, during prayer, and upon countless other occassions in modern Judaism.  Blessings are typically short declarations of honor, not to be confused with gratitude.  We're given many exhortations to bless God, and the record of His people doing it.  So, what are blessings?  Are there certain times we should bless?  And perhaps most importantly, why should we?

Psa 34:2 I will bless Yehovah at all times.  His praise is continually in my mouth.

Psa 145:1-3 …I will exalt You, my God, the King, and I will bless Your Name continually.*  2 Every day I will bless You, and praise Your Name continually!*  3 Great is Yehovah, and greatly to be praised—His greatness is unsearchable. [1]

Most Hebrew words consist of three letter roots and can be written as a noun or verb, but remain related in meaning.  A good example is the root ברך which can be used as a:

  • Noun ברך berekh – knee
  • Verb ברך barakh – to kneel

Understanding the root of barakh helps us to understand its meaning; to kneel in order to give a gift of honor to another.  Both the noun & verb form can be seen in the following passage.

2 Chron 6:13 For Solomon had made a bronze platform… He stood on it and knelt (בְרַךְ barakh) down upon his knees (בִּרְכּ berek) before all the congregation of Israel and spread out his hands toward heaven

Isa 22:9-11 Then you will see the breaches in the walls of the city of David—for they will be many—though you collect the water of the lower pool [berekah]… 11 You even made a reservoir between the two walls for the water of the old pool [berekah]—but you did not look to the Maker, or consider the One who planned it long before.

What does kneeling have to do with pools?

Berekah: a reservoir (at which camels kneel as a resting place): - (fish-) pool.

To bless God is to recognize that He is the source of blessing – the wellspring of abundance.  Through blessing God as the source of our provision, we are acknowledging - I am Yehovah your God! 

Luke 24:53 And they were continually in the Temple, praising and blessing God.

 

 

[1] Literally, throughout the age and beyond (Back to text)